Purple background. On the left, a dejected-looking Steve bitmoji under a red battery icon that is nearly empty. In the center, a neon-yellow arrow pointing to the right. On the right, a happy-looking bitmoji Steve under a green, fully-charged battery icon.

Low (Emotional) Battery

Lately, my enthusiasm has waned. I have felt defeated and demoralized. And it has made me not want to engage, even as I know what will make me feel better is engaging. 

It’s a bit like exercise – I know I need it, I know it will make me feel better. But even thinking about it makes me feel tired. (Yes, these are signs of depression. And, yes, I’m dealing with it; thank you for your concern!) I have a pretty strong hunch several of you are nodding along as you read these words. 

Actually, it’s more than a hunch. Over the past several years, I’ve seen ever-increasing signs that people in general, and school librarians in particular, are feeling overwhelmed. While organization memberships seem to have held relatively steady, involvement and engagement have waned. 

Party of One

For several years, I’ve volunteered with my state school librarian organization’s Professional Development Committee. Over that time, I’ve noticed that while the number of people signing up for events has remained fairly constant, the number of people who actually show up has gone down drastically. 

I’ve seen this first hand. A few months back, I offered in-person training for my county’s education association. Over 20 people signed up. But when I showed up to do the session, zero people were there. (Not gonna lie, that one stung!) 

In a similar vein, over the past several years, there have been fewer and fewer people volunteering within the organization. After speaking with other folks around the country, it seems like this is not a New Jersey-oriented trend. And it has me worried about the future. 

Too Many Fires to Fight

There is a LOT going on these days. The school library world has plenty of fires to put out. And the wider world faces its own infernos (both literal and figurative). It’s a mentally exhausting time. And it’s tempting to pull up the drawbridge, retreat into our castles, and try to let someone else worry about the world for a while. 

This has been my standard operating procedure for the past few years. When I get home from school, I put off most of the tasks demanding my attention and curl up on the couch, streaming something comforting while scrolling the least upsetting websites I can find. 

So believe me when I say: I get it. 

Passive v. Active Engagement

But a recent conversation with some NJASL friends has me reflecting on my usual practices. I couldn’t help but realize that as I’ve withdrawn into my own “safe space”, I’ve also withdrawn from friends, family, colleagues, and all the amazing school librarians that make up my PLN. 

Yes, you’ve probably seen me post on socials, where I’ll “like” and repost for a while. But so much of my experience has become virtual. And even those virtual experiences have become increasingly passive, rather than active. 

I shamefacedly admit that I tend to sign up for a LOT of online events that say they’ll deliver a recording after the fact to registrants. But I find I rarely have the time or inclination to watch those play-backs later. Thinking about jumping into another “thing” makes me feel tired. 

Complaining v. Engaging

Ironically, I tend to enjoy the sessions – virtual or in-person – that I attend and take part in. They are usually populated with smart folks sharing good ideas. They usually leave me feeling excited to try something new. Yet despite enjoying being part of things, I’ve definitely scaled back my engagement. 

Similarly, I work with some folks who have vociferously complained about how our local education association (union) runs. They complain from sun-up to sun-down. But they don’t come to meetings. They don’t offer solutions to the problems they are grinding on about. They seem to take a perverse pleasure in just being miserable. 

Complaining has a place. But in my experience, if it’s not coupled with some kind of action, it’s mostly an exercise in making other people as miserable as I am. 

Wisdom from District-Mandated PD (?!?)

Weirdly, as I was finishing up this post, my district had a PD day about a character education initiative, and I found myself nodding along and seeing so many parallels to what I was writing about here. A few highlights that jumped out: 

“As anxiety increases, empathy decreases.” Dr. Michele Borba

This explains SO MUCH of the last few years (or maybe most of a decade)! I did some quick searching, and this seems to be an actual, clinical finding (https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-experimental-political-science/article/abs/anxiety-reduces-empathy-toward-outgroup-members-but-not-ingroup-members/B70872ACE7D6712A3C71B377C2EED6CA). 

Accepting the central finding, I can easily see how increasing anxiety and stress leads to an ever-decreasing “in-group”. Or, in other words: I get why I increasingly want to pull up the drawbridge and tell the rest of the world to take a flying leap. Unfortunately, that attitude doesn’t help me overcome the feeling, nor does it help solve the problems that make me want to retreat. 

“Buffaloes face into the storm”

This one I found interesting. Apparently, buffaloes charge into (or, if you’re looking at slightly more credible sources, turn to face) oncoming storms. This allows them to get through the storm faster. Other animals might flee a storm, which leaves them stressed for longer about the storm, and still having to deal with the storm’s effects. 

This got me thinking. The current storm isn’t going away. Turning into it at least offers me the relief of taking control of what I can. As my therapist likes to point out, there’s no sense in getting stressed about things outside my control. It’s better to focus on what I can do than what I can’t. 

Like doing something about the thing I’m complaining about, rather than just complaining, I remove the mental load from my plate when I engage. Having done what I can, my mind lets go of (at least some of) its concern. 

3.5% Makes the Difference

Lots of folks think, “Well, I’m too tired to engage; and besides, what difference does one person make?” There are many, many instances where one person made a huge difference, but here’s something I find even more interesting: Harvard researcher Erica Chenoweth found that “Nonviolent protests are twice as likely to succeed as armed conflicts – and those engaging a threshold of 3.5% of the population have never failed to bring about change.”

So it may sometimes feel like the world is against us; but if we can just get 4 people out of every 100 to join us on our side of things, we are all but guaranteed to be victorious.

The Moral of the Story

Image from Allie Brosh's book Hyperbole and a Half. A cartoon figure with stick arms and legs, a shock of blonde hair, bugged-out eyes, a wide-open yelling mouth, and wearing a pink outfit holds a broom in one hand and lifts their other fist above their head. There is a yellow starburst-like shape behind the figure. Superimposed over the image is the text "DO ALL THE THINGS" -which is the original text that went with the image; but it has been modified with a red "DON'T" at the start, an underline beneath "ALL", and an elipsis at the end. The text now reads, "DON'T TO ALL THE THINGS..."

Original image by Allie Brosh

None of this means we should try to do all the things. We have to be selective about where we invest our mental coinage. The answer to not exercising enough is not to do every exercise on your next gym day. But I hope you’ll think about picking a small handful of things – maybe one a month – that you will engage with, even if you’re not necessarily “feeling it” the day of. Because, like the gym, the long-term benefits of making those connections and taking those actions will far outweigh the short-term discomfort. Doing something is a way of advocating for ourselves – both personally and professionally. 

All of which is to say: It’s great and necessary that you are part of your organizations. And maintaining connections with your in-group is also important. But sitting back and hoping someone fixes the madness may be harmful rather than helpful. It’s not on any one of us to solve the world’s problems. And we are not alone – our friends and colleagues are just waiting for us to join in. There is also a wealth of guides outlining ways both small and large for people to get involved and take steps to improve the world around us.

If we stop trying to spread ourselves too thin and focus on a few specifics that are within our control, we can affect the world around us. Those effects might be small, but they are seeds, and if we tend them, they can blossom. Or, to stop mixing metaphors: If we join with our herd and turn into the storm, we’ll weather it much faster.