We All Need Somebody to Lean On

What a Month

My last Knowledge Quest post went up a few days before the election, and I had a cautious optimism as we came down to the final days of the race.

And then my wife woke me up at 4am on Wednesday and broke the news. 

Ever since, my emotions have been whipsawing around, trying to figure out where to land. Some of my local elections were very encouraging. Despite what I was seeing on educator & librarian social media, the students in my school haven’t been (any more) thoughtless or negative. 

And then I’ll see a headline, and whatever forward progress my mental health made is undone. 

Keeping Busy

One thing that has helped has been the many projects, roles, and tasks I have taken on. (I am actually pretty over-extended; but sometimes there’s something to be said for not having too much time to think.)

This past summer, I became the AASL Chapter Delegate/Liaison for my state’s school librarian association. The duties included with this role include sharing with the NJASL membership the weekly AASL Friday Forecast, with a short note. 

On the 16th of November, I shared the following message: 

Gratitude Month

Dear NJASL Members, 

When things seem to be at their most overwhelming, that is the time when we most need to reach out to our networks and connections. 

NJASL and AASL continue to offer support to all our members, and to the profession at large. 

Personally, during this Gratitude Month, I am glad to have my professional learning network – really, my professional learning family – to turn to for both physical and metaphorical hugs. 

Strength is Seeking Help

Coincidentally, I received an email from a former student this past week. Several years back, she had started emailing me anonymously, reaching out because she was feeling overwhelmed. She said she was feeling lost in darkness and didn’t know who else to turn to. 

Now, I am not one who considers himself a warm and fuzzy presence in school. I couldn’t figure out why this student had chosen me of all the people around her to ask for guidance. But while the guidance department and I tried to work out which student this was, I wrote back to her. I tried to assure her that as bad as things might feel at the moment, there was hope, and there was help. 

Over several weeks, and with coaching from our counselors, my correspondence with this student continued – her pouring out her concerns, me trying to help her however I could. She received some help, and left the school at the end of the year. 

This week, she wrote to let me know that she is in a much better place, and to thank me for being there. And, as she had in nearly every email she sent, she apologized. When I wrote back to her, I told her how happy I was for her. And I told her that she never needed to apologize for seeking the help she needs. I told her that, personally, I think that is such an incredible act of bravery. So many people would rather suffer out of some misguided sense of pride or concern for burdening others, when there are many people who would be happy to help if they just knew it was needed.

And sometimes it just feels like we are alone, and  must suffer in solitude.

Everybody Get Together, Try to Love One Another Right Now

Although I wrote the above messages, they were also what I needed to hear. And they were reminders that even when times seem dark, there are so many points of light out there. 

I’ve said it before, but sometimes when I feel like I’m all alone and things seem their darkest, I remind myself I am a point of light. And I might feel all alone, but there are other points of light out there. We can connect; and together we can build beautiful constellations. 

We might feel alone, but we can serve as the navigation points by which others find their way. And together, we can span unimaginable spaces. 

Seek a Star, Be a Star

I’ve always liked a particular phrase by author Spider Robinson: Shared pain is lessened; shared joy increased. 

So: If you find yourself feeling low, lonely, or lost, don’t hesitate. Reach out to your PLF. Look for those that help you find your footing when things feel topsy-turvy. The folks in AASL, your state organization, and your online circles are there and waiting to offer support. 

And be kind to those around you. They made need the same grace and support you’re seeking. Because that’s another thing I’ve discovered: There are people out there for whom I make a difference. Some folks admire what I say, or what I do. And while I regularly find that baffling, how I feel about it doesn’t matter. And if I can be there to help somebody, that’s what I’m going to do. 

Because shared pain is lessened; and shared joy is increased. If I can help lessen the amount of pain the world, that is a valuable thing. And if I can help increase the joy, that’s wonderful, too.